Memory
by Carmen Echo
Summary: This... Isn't that R-rated... It's just a really depressed and angsty one-shot about Faye and Spike... I still hope you guys will like it... New and Revised... P.S. I don't like the Spaye and Fike pairing too much.. Cut me some slack - I was bored...


Disclaimer: I do not own Cowboy Bebop how ever, I do own this story.  
  
Sorry it's so short, I just felt like writing something bittersweet like that.. Okay, I corrected it after a couple of flames so here is the new beautiful revised version. Enjoy some more... P.S. A huge and agonizing thank you to my editor.... Ash you know I love ya.. P.P.S. It's somewhat OOC so don't stress over differences in character. P.P.P.S. Thanks again.. Love.. Wyte..  
  
He still wasn't there.. Faye clutched the worn tape in her fingers.. The stupid tape that Jet so conveniently happened to record of Spike..  
  
There's the ambulance.. They're putting him into a thick black plastic bag... Oh, there's a close up of him blood-marred face.. Zipping up the bag.. Somebody keeps yelling in the back round...  
  
After the first few bazillion times she saw the tape she realized that she should stop.. The pain kept coming back.. Three-fold.. Every time.. Every single fucking time...  
  
The last shards of hope still lingering in her heart.. She'd seen the stupid tape time and time again as if trying to figure out why he did it.. Why he never got over his 'damn-all-to-hell-imma-go-kill-myself' attitude. Why he had to leave when she needed him most.. It has been a year since he died.. It seemed as though that year has been erased from Faye's life. Not to mention the 51 years she missed while in cryogenic sleep.. She wanted him to come back.. To stand there with a cigarette in his mouth, leaning against the doorframe and grinning.. This nightmare haunted every minute of her pathetic existence ever since she found out... She wanted to hear him insult her again.. To hear his voice.. To acknowledge that he was sitting there and casually speaking of something. Just to make sure he was there.. The desperate choking sobs tore out of her throat as she fell onto her knees on the deck...Looking up at the blood red sky. Beautiful sunset. Traces of lighter reds and darker, deeper reds creased the velvety sky as she raked her hand through her hair.. Faye Valentine tried to forget and let go.. Contain herself.. Until she found something that reminded her of Spike.. Then she would just run away somewhere and crumple.. Just collapse and break down.. Cry, punch the walls, stab her punching bag...Anything, just not to think about it anymore..  
  
The after-taste of cocaine stayed in her nose as she sniffled and looked at the sky from the window of her room.. Luckily the window was big so she could see more of the outside.. The cigarette was withering away as Faye took slow drags blowing the smoke out.. Watching it dissolve into the damp air.. Acid and weed didn't work...  
  
The remains of coke were in a small bag on the window cill as she smirked some to herself and walked to the kitchen. It's been raining for three days non-stop and Faye didn't even bother to go outside anymore... Jet would come.. Jet would go.. The occasional small fries were always there for Faye to catch and hand over to the ISSP... She could never quite grasp the reason of her staying on the Bebop.. Ahh yes, maybe because she would starve and die.. The days blurred into weeks. The weeks blurred into months.. And the months.. They just blurred.. Sometimes the dark haired woman would question whether Spike was gone for a year.. Or maybe two years.. Maybe even more. Maybe for a bloody day, because she still cried herself to sleep every night.. And because she still woke up in the morning and broken down in sobs in the shower as if she'd just found out about it.. He was gone.. And he wouldn't come back... And it killed.. It hurt like a bitch just to keep sitting up in bed and realizing it over.. And over again.. Every day.. Every hour.. Every minute...  
  
Slightly shaking her head Faye killed her finished cigarette against the wall... The drugs stopped working.. They stopped helping her forget him.. Even for a little fucking while.. When she'd sit and try her hardest to lie to herself as much as possible. Telling herself she was happy..  
  
She opened the window some as the cold autumn wind burst into the room.. The skin on her legs and hands turning to goose bumps.. The wind slowly whirled around the room as Faye opened the window all the way in spite of the biting cold.. She suddenly felt lighter.. The shivers left her body and the cold gusts of wind gently enveloped her form as she closed her eyes...Not thinking about anything...  
  
Her mind slowly drifted away into insanity as Faye Valentine let her imagination take charge... She didnt worry about anything.. Didn't care.. Abused the privilege of being able not to give a damn what happened... Even if it was for a short time...  
  
The time was too short.. She felt something touch her.. Slowly the feeling moved up her arm... Faye could feel it from within.. Hoping it was Spike.. There.. Standing there with a gentle smile on his face...Touching her arm.. The side of her neck suddenly felt warmer.. As if her fingers were sliding over her skin..  
  
Faye's eyes refused to open because she was deathly afraid of the fact that it was just a dream...Hiding from it... The soft caresses of the wind slowly faded as she finally found the courage to turn around.. Her eyes suddenly widened as the mop of green hair caught her attention... Spike.. His brown eyes looked right into hers.. Strangely not alive.. The eyes that saw both the past and the future.. Her hand involuntarily rose to trace his cheek.. But felt nothing but air as his image disappeared..  
  
This time the fact that he wasn't there scared her.. Scared her more than anything in the world because this time she didn't break down.. She just refused to believe it.. Her vision blurred as the dark haired woman's legs gave in and she collapsed on the floor slowly growing unconscious..  
  
Jet peeked into Faye's room to tell her it was dinner since she didn't respond to his screams from the kitchen.. His eyes slightly widened at her unconscious form then slowly moving over to the bag of left over coke on the window cill.. He sighed and picked her up to put her on the bed.. Her features were perfection with a bit of attitude.. He gently brushed away one strand of her raven hair away from her face and sighed some.. This has been happening a few times a week, when she's had too much coke or was too depressed, or maybe starving.. Faye would wake up in time.. She always did.. The Black Dog shrugged it off and slowly walked out of the room closing the door behind him...  
  
The surging pain in the back of Faye's head made her slowly shake the drowsiness off and sit up in bed... She has been unconscious for nearly 6 hours, which she has found out from her trusty clock.. An inaudible groan escaped her lips as she slowly got out of bed holding on to her head, as if scared that it would fall to the floor and shatter.. Which it probably would....  
  
Her clothes pooled on the floor as she stepped into the shower still holding onto her hurting head... The water burned down her body making her lean against the cold shower wall sighing some.. This way she really didn't know whether she was crying or not, since water was everywhere.. She replayed the damned tape in her mind just hurting herself more and more... The blood flashed in her mind as she punched the shower wall as hard as she could immediately falling onto her knees with a loud sob... She sat in the shower for what seemed like hours until the water ran cold..  
  
Staring at the bell peppers and beef Faye spaced out trying to figure out what exactly she was supposed to do with them.. Time kept passing and nothing changed. The pain just slowly grew duller until Faye remembered.. The damned memory.. Something she wished she'd have.. And something she wished she'd lose time and time again.. The torn up pieces of his death... It was her turn now.. The Glock was safely holstered at her side as she carefully removed it from its sheath with a loving mother's care.. Her fingers slowly traced the worn metal edges of her old friend.. The dark haired woman waved a silent goodbye to everything she did remember... Pointing it at her temple she smirked at Jet's widening eyes.. Realizing it was too late for him to stop her when she squeezed the trigger... Bang.. It was over... No more memory...  
  
It was both her dream and the creaking floor that woke her up... She sat up in bed, a few lose strands of dark hair clung to her wet forehead as she adjusted her blurring vision.. Spike.. The unruly mess of green locks caught her attention and his slim form reaching for the pack of cigarettes on her dresser..  
  
"Spike? What the hell are you doing in my room?" secretly realizing it was a dream and he was alive Faye yelped and jumped out of the bed.. He came back from the fight with Vicious.. He was hurt.. He was bandaged.. But he was alive.. She gave him a bear hug and mumbled, "You came back..."  
  
Spike let out a pained groan and carefully hugged her back.. "Yeah, I'm back.. Calm down.."  
  
"Uhh.. Sorry.." the dark haired woman realized she was hugging him and quickly yanked herself away from him muttering, "I had a dream, that you died..." Her eyes frantically searched the floor in the dark then noticing that his stomach was tightly bandaged..  
  
"Well I didn't, Vicious is dead though.. I'm just back from the hospital.. And it doesn't seem to me you were dreaming about my death, sleeping in my boxers.." he snickered pointing at her inappropriate attire.  
  
"I just.." she blushed three shades of red as he interrupted her.  
  
"Excuses excuses Faye.. Was it secretly something else you were dreaming about?" an amused grin crossed his chiseled features...  
  
Faye immediately glared at him and growled "Lunk head.." Though she was secretly relieved...  
  
Spike responded in an immediate retort with a smug smirk on his face "Shrew.." as he yanked the cigarettes off her dresser and strolled right out of Faye's room.  
  
The End  
  
So there's my mini sorry ass little story.. Hope you guys like it... R&R please.. And BE GENTLE! 


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